


Unsent And Unread

by loserkit



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, How Do I Tag, One Shot, Sad and Sweet, Texting, and i am crying and i do not know why, there is always so much left unsaid, this is the author’s self-taught therapy, you have no idea how i hurt for these two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:47:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26923105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loserkit/pseuds/loserkit
Summary: 12:00 AMA series of unsent texts over the years of Callie and Arizona's relationship. From all their tragedies and taking the long way to their happy ending, they were never really quite over.Not Delivered!
Relationships: Arizona Robbins & Callie Torres, Arizona Robbins/Callie Torres
Comments: 3
Kudos: 38





	Unsent And Unread

**Author's Note:**

> i originally posted this in an one-shot collection of fanfiction.net, but this was my favourite and i think it deserved to be recognized as an one-shot of it's own :)  
> set from post calzona first date all the way to the text from callie in s14, the whole way 'round.

_03/20/09_

Calliope,

I've used up all of my data this month and this supermarket aisle surely doesn't have any internet connection. You'll never get around to seeing this.

I've never danced the way I did with you on our second date, but I had the time of my life. The song we danced to is playing in the speakers of this supermarket, how coincidental is that? The watch on my wrist says that you're probably in the surgery for your old man with the broken pelvis, and of course, you'll do great. Everything seems to remind me of you these days, and you are living in everything I think of. I don't know what that is, and it's a little creepy when I think about it, to be honest.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 4:07 PM_

//

_05/08/09_

Arizona,

I'm in a bathroom again, but it isn't because I needed somewhere quiet to cry anymore. I just needed to fix my mascara. Aren't you proud of me? I've survived without a trust fund, and I think we got over our first fight. It's quite a promising beginning isn't it? Because I would really like it if it were promising.

You told me you cry at authority figures, and in all honesty, I find it one more thing about you that is great. We might not know everything about each other yet, but we still have a whole lifetime.

I've fixed my mascara now, and this unsent text is finishing. I think we'd make a wonderful 'us'.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 11:19 AM_

//

_07/12/09_

Calliope,

I've only just found out John Doe was George before coming into this supply closet. It's terrible, and I can't imagine how you must be feeling. I've loved your caring heart since our first date, but frankly, I'm worried what this might mean for us. He was your ex-husband, after all. It would just be insensitive of me to ask now, so all I know is to bring you donuts.

Because whatever should happen, I already know that I care for you. A lot. An unnatural lot. This is something new for me, and I'm scared. Which is partly why I'm relying on the clicking keyboard instead of telling it to you to your face. Maybe I am that much of a coward.

All I know is that my thoughts on you are not changing. You should cry. And I want to be your shoulder to cry on.

We are young and we are damaged, but we can fall apart together if you'd like.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 12:11 PM_

//

_09/06/09_

Arizona,

I haven't had anyone stand by me so resolutely for so long. I know my father is all over the place, as am I, but you always told me that you were raised to be a good man in a storm, and I think I'm only now understanding what that means. Thank you, Arizona. For talking sense into me and letting me ugly cry in your arms. For not leaving. I'd almost forgotten what that felt like.

I'll tell you that daddy finally accepted us, but the board says you're still in surgery, so here I am, sitting on the curb of the hospital parking lot and waiting for you. It's getting a bit chilly, but for some reason, I want to be outside today.

I promised myself that I wouldn't fall for anyone so fast again, but you're making it very hard. In fact, here you come out from those double doors. And you just saw me. You look beautiful.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 9:56 PM_

//

_09/28/09_

Calliope,

Well, I know I told you that I smoked a while ago, but little Wallace's case really finished a packet of cigarettes in two days. I promise that I'll do better. If not only for you. Hearing those three words, (or rather, four for you) come out of your mouth has brought me to a whole new high that neither cigarettes, sex, or alcohol can take me. I never thought I could be here.

We're different kinds of people, me and you, Calliope. You're made of songs and smiles and soft eyes while I'm all sharp edges and smoke and useless tears peeling off my face like old wallpaper. I used to fuck girls left and right, but you don't know that yet. I used to go to bars and chug beers and buy Marlboros just to feel more alive than I believed I could.

Loving you is the best thing that I have done in a very long time. I'm scared that I won't do a good job loving you, and let you believe that this is all there is after all. Because there is so much more to life than this, Calliope. So much more that I want to do with you.

But these aren't the kind of things I can just say out loud, so instead, I asked you which pizza you wanted from the place down the street. You answered with your perfectly adorable voice, still hoarse after screaming my name on the couch during a particularly hard orgasm. We sat there eating pizza on your balcony at two in the morning. You looked at the moon and I looked at you.

Here you are now, asleep on my numb left arm while I type this out with my right hand. We still smell of sex and I still don't think I could love you more if I tried.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 3:44 AM_

//

_12/21/09_

Arizona,

Sloan Riley is pregnant and Lexie is as freaked as ever. Teddy is gazing lovingly at Owen and Cristina is confused about choosing between surgery and love. Bailey is being chased down by her father like prey and I think this is the first time that I have seen her this nervous.

We are okay.

Nothing else is perfectly okay, but we are.

God, I love you so much.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 7:58 PM_

//

_02/15/10_

Calliope,

I never really did jewellery, being raised in a marine household. I have a thing for watches, and you know that. I wore watches because I always had to be on time, on point, but you told me once that you find it incredibly hot when I fasten the watch straps, so I started wearing them everyday. I adore your earrings and necklaces, but I never really learned to wear them myself, only on dates and interviews.

The necklace resting on my chest feels like a second heartbeat. One that is beating perpetually in tune with yours. Delicate and golden, a tiny little heart inches above mine, and it's "girlier" than anything I've worn in a long time. I'm surely not taking this off any time soon.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 2:05 AM_

//

_03/13/10_

Arizona,

My cartilage turned solid and you told me you didn't want children. My career is being propelled forward at the speed of light, and it seems to have left my heart behind. Mark told me I had to suck it up and talk to you, but we were never good at talking about things.

Why can't things that are good just stay good?

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 8:09 AM_

//

_03/14/10_

Calliope,

Something is bothering you, but I'll just have to believe that you'll speak up soon.

I'm not very good at talking about feelings and stuff, but no one has made me feel this much before. You laugh, and I feel like my insides are reaching out. That wasn't the best metaphor. Like I said, I'm not good with words, but I am good at dishing out speeches when I need to. I think I could at least say that I _am_ good at loving you.

Jealousy is a green-eyed monster, and not one that knew how to live in me. At least, not up until I met you. Alex Karev, Callie, seriously?

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 6:56 PM_

//

_05/07/10_

Arizona,

I guess I did tell you after all.

My neck is red and tender from where you bit down last night and my left palm is smudged from trying to rub the sharpie numbers off. You told me you'll get your stuff together, and we ended up spending the whole night in my bedroom. I can't sleep on this lumpy couch, but my whole room smells like sex and sweat and you.

Am I selfish or am I human for holding out this long before confronting you about it?

The wifi in my apartment is down because I threw a remote control at the router too hard in a bout of anger at everything after you walked out this morning. I think it over and over and hope you're thinking too. I drive myself crazy thinking about you. It doesn't feel real.

You're right. We'll still see each other at work. But I can't be friends. We're not friends. Friends don't do the things we did.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 9:20 AM_

//

_05/13/10_

Calliope,

I won't ask for forgiveness now. I kissed you in the elevators and I'm not even sorry. You have no idea what you do to me. I can still feel your fingers in my hair and your taste is on my lips. Walking away from someone had never felt this hard before. It's quite a contradicting state of being with my 'good man in a storm', I know.

You tasted like a force of nature about to take over the world, and I still can't wait to drown in you. You skin burns mine and I die a little inside. I'm good at walking away, but I'm not good at this. Loving you brought me to the top of the world, Calliope. And baby, the top of the world is a long way to fall from.

I'm afraid that I won't get out alive.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 5:09 AM_

//

_05/31/10_

Arizona,

I wake up drenched in sweat and you've smoked a packet of Marlboros a day since it's happened. I claw at the thoughts that invade my head and you have dark circles under your eyes. Gary Clark is in every shadow, waiting to jump out. No one is okay, Arizona. This great sadness and endless tragedy is a secret that everyone shares.

We have sex a lot. I'm sore in all the right places and in some of the wrong ones. I think you're older and wiser so I close my mouth and open my legs. I think you're better and prettier so I still don't like myself. Moving in with you is the one good thing in the world right now. We're back together, so at least something good has come out of the dozens of dead bodies in the morgue, right?

We were walking under the streetlight last night. You smoked cigarettes and I listened to crickets. I don't like cigarettes, but I love you.

So it was alright.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 3:01 AM_

//

_07/18/10_

Calliope,

I know you're happy for me. But you're stuffing your suitcase full of clothes in the next room and I can't breathe in this one. Africa is on the other side of the world and you've decided to come with me. I love you, but I don't know what to do.

Maybe I've always craved permanence since I was a child. But now that it's come, I don't know what to do with it. I've been running all my life, and I no longer know how to stop.

You know I can't love you from across the planet, and I know you are one who would give up the world for me. I run and you would still follow. You were always too good, Calliope.

I don't think your love was made for people like me.

But god, I love you so much it kills me.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 11:11 PM_

//

_07/22/10_

Arizona,

The last time you told me you loved me still replays in my head sometimes. It was a Saturday and I had just finished a five-hour long surgery and you were going into one. My hair was matted to my forehead as I tied the knot of your scrub cap. I stank of hospital and cleaning alcohol, and you were smiling like an idiot at my smudged mascara. You scrubbed with me standing there and you told me I was an unparalleled beauty. I rolled my eyes and told you you were the one that was beautiful here. You got super offended and told me the world is crazy fortunate just having me in it. I took up the challenge and told you that I would be happy for you, if only you asked me to. I would be happy for the rest of my life if you asked me to try, if only for you.

You laughed and said you love me too.

I know I was always a reckless lover, Arizona. You're only three years older, but you're steady in a way that I probably won't ever achieve. I create my own ledges and jump off them, maybe only to prove that love isn't the only thing that can destroy me.

I'm pregnant with Mark's baby. But I wish you can achieve all that you've ever wanted in Africa. Don't look back. Please.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 6:01 AM_

//

_08/19/10_

Calliope,

I am standing in front of your building. And this is a whole new kind of nervous than the one I had when I was standing in the very same place on our first date.

You're the first woman I've had to chase. You're the first love that has made me hurt in places I didn't know could ache. You set a fire that is burning me up inside out. I can still hear the slam of the door when you shut it in my face just two nights ago. I think I've finally found a place I want to stay. But it seems like you don't think the same anymore.

I'm hurt that you slept with Mark. I don't know what to do, Calliope. But you are it for me. So I guess I knew what I had to do since I stepped onto that plane back. I guess half of the pieces that make me Arizona are in your hands now.

I'm not letting you go. And I'm staying this time, no matter what. I really hope you can believe that.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 5:49 PM_

//

_09/07/10_

Arizona,

Please. Let me have my coffee.

My extra-special vagina vote says so.

Your future fetus baby says so.

\- Your girlfriend. Who is carrying our baby. Who wants a goddamn coffee. Please.

_Not Delivered! 9:36 AM_

//

_02/04/11_

Calliope,

My fridge is always full of energy drinks. Coffee is your personal holy ritual. Your lattes never have enough milk. They shouldn't even be called lattes if they don't have enough milk. Somewhere between being unable to fall asleep and too much caffeine, we fell in love.

The trash can outside of your room is filled with Red Bulls and Monster cans, Calliope. You have got to wake up and even it out with your annoying paper cups with unfinished coffee.

You have people who love you, who are calling out your name, who are fighting tooth and nail for every breath you take. The universe is already teetering, and you have to wake up to restore balance. Because this universe still needs you in it, Calliope. Because you still have some of the best days of your life ahead of you. Because Sofia is beautiful, just like you, and because you haven't married me yet.

I love you, Calliope. Live. Please live.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 1:01 AM_

//

_05/06/11_

Arizona,

I think this is the first time since we've been together that I woke up first, I think. I guess I finally wore you out last night. You certainly wore me out. I can barely feel my legs.

My father once told me that I never had a quiet moment in my life. That I never remember the things I'm supposed to. That I always stuff feeling into things that don't have feelings. I forget to eat lunch, but I remember all the flavours of Monster you don't like. The green tea one is terrible. I forget the dates of my dentist appointments but I know your favourite colour is yellow, followed by green, followed by blue. Followed by purple, but that's only because I like purple. Just yesterday, I almost forgot to call the hair stylist, but I know that I can still remember the name of your pet goldfish when you were in grade school. It was Charles.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am desperately trying to remember every single second I am spending with you nowadays, because I want to. It's such an honour to call you my wife.

I love you, Arizona, so fucking much.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 9:02 AM_

//

_03/22/12_

Calliope,

I am so grateful that I _know_ that I have everything I have ever wanted right now. Our family is weird but it's great. We fight about the dumbest things but we fit so well. I'm the head and you're the heart. Before you came and offered me this warm permanence, I never thought I would ever settle down. Much less be this in love. I can't imagine loving anyone else but you for the rest of my life.

I know that I'll never be as happy as I am in this moment again. Except maybe the next day I'll get to spend with you. I stood by you after the car crash and you stood by me with Nick. We have the rest of our lives to celebrate after I come back from Boise.

I'm so glad I exist, Calliope. I love you.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 8:47 AM_

//

_09/09/12_

Arizona,

Mark is dead and you are not Arizona. I am the worst kind of alive and I am not sure we are going to make it this time.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 4:09 AM_

//

_11/29/12_

Arizona,

Everyone seems to be forgetting the parts of me that died with that plane too. I wasn't in it, but it might as well have killed me half-way. You hate me, and I see now the world can crumble down in just one day. All I want is for you to make it.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 6:29 PM_

//

_12/20/12_

Arizona,

I'm sorry for yelling at you today. But you do need to suck it up and stop whining and start living. Everyone has been fighting except for you, Arizona. Running away can work, but you can't run away from yourself. You're stuck in your body for the rest of your life, you do need to learn to be okay with it.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 3:11 PM_

//

_03/19/13_

Calliope,

There are too many things I still have to say to you. You stayed, and I still don't see how you did it, and my head is so full of my own pain that I don't see yours. But we just bought a whole freaking hospital yesterday and I know, this is why we fight.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 11:06 AM_

//

_04/01/13_

There is still no electricity in this storm.

We have a daughter together.

How can you fucking do this, Arizona?

_Not Delivered! 2:49 AM_

//

_05/30/13_

Calliope,

Nothing has changed, I still love you. Nothing has changed, we always used to make it through. You'll always be my girl, and I do love you. I was not myself, and I still am not. But you, oh, you, Calliope, you bring me closer to alright then I can ever get.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 8:59 PM_

//

_09/15/13_

Arizona,

I danced in my underwear for the first time since a long time today. I realised that I had almost forgotten what it felt like, and I promised myself that I would never forget what it feels like ever again. I still can't think of you. The strings holding me together are only so strong. But I guess you were right, I don't get it. I don't get how you can do this to me. After everything.

How sad is it that we both need to figure out how to be ourselves again, huh?

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 5:19 AM_

//

_01/09/14_

Calliope,

Owen's got a new girlfriend. The twisted sisters are breaking apart. Nothing is as it were before.

I slept with Leah Murphy. I don't think I have a chance with you anymore. Better people could love you, but they will never love you quite as much as I do.

I don't think I'll ever get to properly love you from now on, but I wish I could stand in front of that lawyer and shield you from all the poison he is spewing to where I know is still sore. The universe has a damn funny way of bringing Travis Reed into our equation.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 1:04 AM_

//

_01/10/14_

Arizona,

What is it about you and me that make bad things rain like we deserve them?

Do I really not deserve the love I give to everyone else?

Travis looks at me with the same hate and disgust you did months ago, and I haven't properly breathed since last week. Maybe I do deserve this. Maybe you were right. Maybe I really don't remember who I was before giving every part of myself away anymore.

It's three in the damn morning, and I can't sleep because I drank a bottle of Monster for dinner. It was the original flavour. You always liked that one. I forgot to close the windows again, but I've been lying on the floor for so long my back is numb, and I don't want to get up and close it. Our apartment is screaming out our names, and I can't bare to listen to what the walls have to say, so the music is turned so fucking loud I can't hear myself think.

I think I've had enough time now. I'm going to your hotel room tomorrow to ask if you want to come back.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 3:19 AM_

//

_01/11/14_

Calliope,

Of course I'm coming back. As soon as you ask, I'll come running back. I'll take any new start I can get with you. We have a new house together, Calliope, keep the lights on. I'm coming back.

\- Arizona.

_Not Delivered! 12:59 PM_

//

_02/08/14_

Arizona,

I wanted to become a doctor that saves sick people when I was six. I never wanted to become what I am now. Tell me, am I supposed to forgive myself for these things I am now or am I supposed to forgive myself for all those things I never became?

There are mistakes we both need to take responsibility for, Arizona. I almost want to laugh when I think of the intern you fucked filing for sexual harassment. I guess being sued once in a year isn't quite enough. You asked me how my day was. My throat feels raw and I can't seem to open my eyes all the way. There is a piece of my head missing, and I've lost my dignity somewhere in the cracks of the last few months. I love you, so I guess that is what counts. I am losing myself trying not to lose you. But I really do love you, though.

That was my day. How was yours?

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 4:30 PM_

//

_04/20/14_

Calliope,

You are so much more than what you believe you are.

You took out my old shoes last week. We were laughing on the pavement like little kids, and for ten perfect minutes, we were as happy as those kids too. Tonight, we decided that we are going to have another baby.

Herman asked me if I wanted to do her fellowship, so from this goes another bout of shouting, I'm sure. We still have a hell of a long way to go.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 10:59 PM_

//

_07/29/14_

Arizona,

Who do we blame when we've broken our own hearts?

We are two worlds out of tune now, but I'm proud of you for your fellowship, sincerely. You told me before that I try to fix too many things, and I'm really trying not to. I really am.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 5:09 PM_

//

_09/20/14_

Calliope,

I liked the idea of this separation, even though you clearly didn't. I do need a bit of time to myself. I can't believe this is already halfway over. To be honest, I think it's a little short, but I'm sure that you'll disagree with a thousand words if I said that out loud. You took the wine we kept in the kitchen cupboard into your own room and drank it straight from the bottle.

Oh, well.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 3:18 PM_

//

_10/24/14_

Arizona,

I haven't stopped crying since yesterday and my legs are threatening to give out. I have been turned inside out, and there is a bite mark on my shoulder. But god knows that bite marks are the least of the traces of yourself you have left on me.

Standing up for myself is such a strange feeling. It's still raining. I think we are destined to have bad rainy days. I lost you, but I found me.

My future still needs me, Arizona, and I want so much for the both of us. So much more than this.

I'm sorry for walking away first this time.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 6:47 AM_

//

_12/19/14_

Callie,

I don't call you Calliope and you don't look at me when we walk down the same hall.

This life I am in isn't my own.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 5:03 PM_

//

_12/29/14_

Arizona,

You asked me if I missed you at all, and I wanted to ask you what you meant by that, but I didn't. Instead, I told you the truth. Of course I miss you. What in the world did you mean by 'just not enough'?

Arizona, how much is enough, exactly?

Because I have not had a full night of sleep since so long, and my eyelids are burning into my face with only memories of you and I to think of. Because I have nightmares about the plane crash too. About the car crash, about you fucking someone else, about Mark dying. And I know now, after so many times you've spat it at me, that I don't deserve the privilege of letting myself suffer because of this. Because _of course_ I miss you enough to come back to you, but I also love you enough to know that it would be only another cut into our chests doing so. We were on top of the world back when I was your girl.

Maybe we never really knew what we had. But I know that we don't have it anymore.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 3:08 PM_

//

_04/27/15_

Callie,

I'll admit that it is strange that I find it so hard to even consider touching anyone else now. Only now. It's also strange that I never knew so many people wanted you until I heard about that officer asking you out. Until Joe told me about that saleswoman giving you the option of a one-night stand. Until Steak Knives was kissing you outside the front doors, the very place you used to kiss _me_ goodbye.

In between the fights, Callie, I still need you.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 9:32 PM_

//

_09/20/15_

Callie,

Derek is dead.

And yet you're still the place where I seek comfort, even if it's by texts I will never send. I'm no longer the comfort you want to seek, at least that's what you told Owen around the corner when I overheard. If that's how you really feel then why'd you call last night?

A lot of bad things happened this year, but you are not one of them. Not you. Never you, Callie, you were always the good in all the bad.

\- Arizona.

_Not Delivered! 10:31 PM_

//

_12/14/15_

Callie,

I tried going to clubs and bars and I don't want to feel my existence anymore.

I am reckless and restless and I am still chasing after things like I'm trying to throw my life away. I don't give. I'm still saving the love I have left for you.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 4:02 PM_

//

_05/24/16_

Callie,

I slept with the first girl since you last night. I threw up twice this morning. I can't remember what she looked like. I just remember vodka. And scotch. And sweat. She moaned too loud and was too hard. I left a little after midnight.

My hands are red and scratchy from where I scrubbed them too hard in the shower this morning and I can't look myself in the eyes when I look in the mirror.

You look happy with Penny, and she looks like a girl with enough love to give to you.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 6:49 AM_

//

_06/15/16_

Callie,

I just realised I still need you after I almost slipped in the shower.

I also realised you don't need me anymore.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 11:36 PM_

//

_10/11/16_

Callie,

I sued for custody.

I'm sure we could have yelled it out or screamed it out or talked it out with tears streaming down both our faces. Finding an arrangement for Sofia is the only thing always sure to happen with the both of us agreeing. But I was chasing my thoughts and tripping over the past and I hired lawyers because I don't want _you_ to go to New York. I thought hiring lawyers would make you think twice before dragging all of your future across the country.

I think I was wrong.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 3:08 AM_

//

_10/11/16_

Arizona,

Trying to take our daughter across the country was stupid and thoughtless, I know. But if I can forgive you for cheating because you were grieving and losing a leg, then you can forgive me for taking my turn to grieve and hurt and go tetherless chasing after what _I_ want.

Because goddammit, you were only looking out for yourself for so long and I wanted to do something dumb and selfish for once.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 3:10 AM_

//

_12/19/16_

Callie,

Go after your happiness. You deserve it. I love you.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 9:58 PM_

//

_02/02/17_

Arizona,

I'm in New York and our new apartment doesn't have an internet connection so I'm picking up my phone and typing this out.

I think I'm closer to being happy now, so thank you for showing up at my door that night. I also wanted to say that I forgive you for everything. And I hope you'll forgive me too, one day.

Even if I still miss you sometimes, I'm still perpetually reaching out towards my own tomorrows. I'll be alright soon enough, it'll just take time. I wish only the best for you. I'm doing great.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 8:20 AM_

//

_07/12/17_

Callie,

I'm not doing so well. I've started smoking again. I'm up to ten cigarettes a day and I fucked a girl called Eliza Minnick. I can't bring myself to care about anything apart from Sofia and it terrifies me that this doesn't terrify me more.

I went to the pizza place down the street from our old apartment and they changed their name. They sell ugly leather shoes now. Minnick is hot, and is a nice fuck. I'm really trying to care more about her. Honest. I really believe that I'm trying to move on.

\- Arizona

P.S. You left your grey sweater in my closet.

P.P.S. I think I still love you.

_Not Delivered! 2:08 AM_

//

_09/09/17_

Callie,

A woman lost her wife and daughter who were both on my table today. I closed my eyes and your face was stuck in my head. I never thanked you for anything and you never stopped trying to fix us. I never apologized and neither did you.

I tried to say thank you, but I don't think you can hear it now.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 8:45 PM_

//

_09/19/17_

Callie,

Minnick left. Is this karma?

I should be more heartbroken about this. But I'm not. You lit something in me, and even though I used to rather look away then say it out loud, this light (lit by you, that is still here) is making me bring women to bed. I wear my past like an armour.

Tell me about your side of the coast, baby.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 6:01 AM_

//

_09/29/17_

Callie,

I need something to remind me that I'm still alive. I need something to get over before I'm over you, my dear. Richard told me that I need to stop being so hard and harsh with the interns, and I felt like I was a resident all over again. Carina wanted a date night. You're the only thing I ever had that took away this horrible edge.

You are a world away, Callie, but if you ever have time, will you come back and break my heart all over again?

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 4:17 AM_

//

_11/11/17_

Callie,

I dreamt of you last night, and it's really terrible, since Carina was lying right beside me. It must be the after effects of those weed cookies that made the walls shine and made the tips of my fingers turn gold. I dreamt of you, and you were young, still only a resident, hurrying along the corridors of our godforsaken hospital and your face was still reddened with the shy liberty of our youth. You saw me and you broke into the biggest smile that was still meant for me. You were yet to be irreversibly broken and I still had all my life to love you.

Carina is waking up, and I think I really do care for her. She was here, and you weren't.

But Maggie told me I said your name when I was high and well, it's even more terrible that it didn't surprise me.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 12:03 AM_

//

_03/14/18_

Arizona,

I broke up with Penny over hotpot. I don't know why I'm typing this out, but the sunset was ridiculously red today and I bought a Monster from the convenience down the street.

Life has been good to me, and love always looks better on the screen.

\- Callie

_Not Delivered! 8:49 PM_

//

_05/15/18_

Callie,

I don't think I am too evil or too good or too much of anything for giving into myself when I called you last night. I know that you don't need me anymore. And I know that I didn't treat you right for a bit, and you, not me. I was too angry and you were too caring. I didn't say anything and you never knew how to care without hurting anyone. It's okay; every story has ugly parts.

Do you ever think of me the same way I think of you? After everything?

It doesn't really matter now, it really doesn't. We are our own people and we are our own futures. I broke up with Carina. I called, and it's been so long since I've heard your voice that I think that I left a piece of my heart in that phone call.

It's okay, I don't need it back.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 5:12 AM_

//

_06/22/18_

Callie,

Alex's wedding finished after a few hiccups, and Sofia and I are going to call a cab in just a little bit. We should land around six in the morning over in New York. See you later :)

\- Arizona

_Delivered at 4:30 PM_

//

_06/22/18_

Arizona,

I can't wait to see you!

\- Callie

_Delivered at 4:32 PM_

//

_06/22/19_

Calliope,

I won't be writing texts with no destiny that you will never read anymore. I won't be closing off the internet to leave myself to drown in thoughts of you and the clicking of a keyboard. We've come such a long way from where we began, and we both are deserving of this final gentleness from the universe. We deserve lazy mornings and scrambled eggs, yesterday's newspapers and warm sweaters.

I'll be telling you everything you are meant to hear from now on. We won't be leaving anything unsaid anymore. This version of us is something new, and I want to kiss you a lot.

I love you, Calliope. We are only just beginning.

\- Arizona

_Not Delivered! 12:00 AM_


End file.
